


Late night binges

by Gabriel_Sammys_Angel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Chubby Gabriel, Chubby Gabriel (Supernatural), EDNOS, Eating Disorder, Gabriel has problems, Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sam is a sweatheart, Sorta Happy Ending, binge eating, binges, ednnos, mentioned Dean, mentioned sabriel, season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 14:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14854653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabriel_Sammys_Angel/pseuds/Gabriel_Sammys_Angel
Summary: Gabriel struggles with panic attacks and the way he starts to cope with it? Eating, uncontrolled binge eating. He gains weight and the problem is not fixed like this but one night Sam finds him during one of his binges...





	Late night binges

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> Trigger Warning for eating disorder/binge eating ahead. Please do not read if it may trigger you.  
> If you want to talk about something like this, PM me or seek professional help, please.

There was no sound to be heard in the dark, empty hallway expect for the ragged, panicked breathing of the archangel that was holding onto the wall like it was all that could save him. Like a drowning man trying to get out of the water. That was actually exactly how he felt right now, like a dying, drowning man. Like he went out for a swim in the sea and the waves had gotten too strong- the waves that were meant to entertain, to surf on and to help a sister splash her brother in the face for a bad joke- those had gotten a hold of him and had started to shake him around but he would not give up this easily, he would continue to struggle against them, using his whole body in an attempt to hold himself up but the sea would only carry him father away from a coast until the fight over water was lost and he was pushed underwater in the coldness of an angry and brutal sea.  
Air bubbles were above him now, escaping from his lungs as he desperately let the air out of his lungs to take another breath like he would do it on the surface. But this was his last breath trying to get back to the surface as if those air bubbles once they reached the surface could convince the air to surge down on its own and help to fill his lungs again so he could breath and therefor survive. But the water was merciless and only pushed him further down, his every attempt to swim back to the surface was destroyed by the sheer force of the water.  
The deeper he fell, the darker it got and soon enough there was nothing but darkness surrounding him, darkness and coldness. He could not see anything mostly because the salt water burned his eyes and he could not even hold them open properly.  
Cold water started to filled his lungs as he tried to take another panicked breath, which only ended in him getting water into his lungs, water and a disgusting salty taste into his mouth. Which lead him to be coughing underwater, breathing in and out without any purpose as it only made his situation worse and he swallowed more and more water which slowly but surely filled his lungs up and soon left no room for even an ounce of air anymore.  
Gabriel was drowning and nothing could save him. Nothing but himself- but he was too weak, a coward- he could not save or help anyone not even himself. He was a coward who had ran away eons ago from a fight his brothers had fought, a fight everything got destroyed for. And even now he was a coward, trying to hide.

The water was speaking in a hushed and low, deep voice that sounded exactly like the sea seemed to flow. Dark and without any mercy, steady while it surrounded everything and consumed every being with its voice and the strength of its flow. By now Gabriel was sure he would be dead any second now, his vision already blurring out- wait what? He still had a vision even though his eyes were full of salt water and the sea had gotten too dark to see anything? And what he saw definitely was not nothing nor black, it was an empty hallway lightened up by the pale moonlight.

His mind shock him out of this state and he realized where he was. In the bunker of the Winchester brothers, clinging to a wall, one hand clutched into his shirt, his breathing labored and his eyes feeling hot and wet- wait was he crying? He was, hot tears were streaming down his face, leaving a salty taste on the skin, almost as salty as the sea water he had swallowed only seconds ago had been. Maybe that was where the scenario had come from- from his mind making up scenarios to cope with how he was feeling. Like a drowning man. That would not explain why he had not been able to breath though or would it?  
Only now the angel noticed how his second hand, the left one was smeared with blood. His fingers seemed to be completely covered by it, darker around the tips and less bloody where the fingers connected to the palm of the hand. And by a closer inspection he realized why this had happened, that he had dug his fingers into the wall, so hard it had teared his nails off and left his hand to bleed over the loss of them. The pain never hit him though all he felt was numbness now, no fear, no pain. He snapped his fingers and the blood was gone and his nails were back, good for him to have his grace back, now he could do these things again. He was all calm and stoic now, no fear in his way, no panic.

Good.  
Like a machine, step for step, gaze fixed forward only located on his destination he continued his way to where he had been headed before. Before he had started having the panic attack, now that it was over he was certain it had been one- only a minor one as he had been able to pull himself out of it so easily and without help but a panic attack non the less. This would explain the way how he was not able to breath only seconds ago or it had at least felt like it.  
The corridor was darker than before as clouds had shoved themselves in front of the moon. And now the silence of the night was only disturbed by his footsteps that echoed from the walls, making them louder than they really were. Making him sound heavier than he really was.

Only a few meters later and he had reached his destination, the reason why he had gotten out of the bed Sam and Dean had prepared for him. Although it had been mostly Sam as the younger hunter seemed to care more about the broken archangel. The only reason why he had left the warmth of the bed and the softness of the covers.  
After Sam had removed the stitches from his mouth two weeks ago they had barely interacted at all and he had been a shell of his former self, nothing more but a ghost of the man he used to be not even a century ago. He had been this shell long before the Winchesters got him but it got worse over the source of the past days. He seemed lost in himself and never even spoke a word with the,´m, barely reacted so they could only assume he was still there and not far gone in his own mind.  
There had been one escape for him though, a save space that he came to every night now because he was too terrified to sleep. While for some sleep brought relief and an escape it brought the complete opposite to the archangel.

Because in his sleep the torture came back, everything that had happened in the past years came back to him and started to haunt him again, everything Asmodeus had put the archangel through. Everything.  
The mocking, being ridiculed, being treated like he was nothing, usurped from his own grace, the abuse.. him an archangel of god, him, Gabriel. A powerful being that was meant to never be broken, only by god´s hands if he chose so.  
And that had left him broken and full of memories whenever he closed his eyes for too long. It made the memories rush back and conquer his mind, fill it up and leave him alone with it. With no one to help and nothing to help him himself cope.  
Torture could have many faces, all cruel on another level but meant to destroy the person who was extradited to it, at someone else´s mercy. And often enough broken and destroyed in every possible way, forever. And that was exactly the kind of place Gabriel returned to every time he tried to find rest and peace.

That was how he found himself in his safe place every night, the Bunker´s kitchen.  
Gabriel had always adored food, especially sweets and candy. Not even because of the whole trickster persona he had pulled for ages but also because he had always liked them even back in heaven when they haven't had much of said candy. He had quiet the sweet tooth and that was one of the only things that had not been a show when he had posed as a trickster.  
Every night for the past two weeks Gabriel had raid the kitchen off of every food during the night hours, consuming everything that had been in sight. No matter what it was, frozen products and left overs alike.  
It had helped him to forget, had focused his thoughts on something else. Something that were not Asmodeus cold eyes, the cell, the pain or just anything else he would associate with the torture he had been through - right now he did not want to think about it so he walked through the dark kitchen. Gabriel never bothered to turn on the light, it felt wrong. A creature like him so soiled and so broken should not been allowed to walk in the light after all- at least not in his opinion. And so he raid the kitchen in darkness.  
The kitchen was only illuminated by the moonlight that shone through the small window over the oven which did not do all too much to light the room up. The clouds had moved on again and revealed the moon once again this night. It made it easier to guess where the fridge was, but he already knew that by now, he could move around here without any light at all. And while his hands reached out to open it and slowly take everything out, setting every item on the counter his arm brushed along the side of his belly, the added softness to it something he could not deny and he could not help the rush of heat into his cheeks as he realized the damage he was doing to himself with this behavior but in the next second he did not care anymore and just worked like a machine to empty the fridge.  
Only when every item had been set on the counter he closed the fridge again and grabbed the closest thing, a pack of sausages. His fingers unpacked them, steady, systematically, like a machine. He started to eat, his thoughts stopping as he shoved more and more food into his mouth  
He worked like a 4-step program had been programmed into his mind:  
First step: Shove food in your mouth. Second step: Chew quickly and do not savoring anything. Third step: Swallow. Fourth step: Repeat.  
Soon enough the package was empty and he had just devoured eight sausages like it was nothing but the night was still young and the counter stocked full with carious foods.

Of course the angel did not need any food at all and consuming thousands of calories for every night since two weeks definitely showed on him, the pounds had pilled on him rather quickly leaving him not only with simple weight gain but with a few stretch marks as well as his body- although a vessel – had not been able to hold up with what he was doing to it fast enough.  
The angel had been on the pudgy side even before he had known the Winchesters, with a small pouch of a belly, the slightest curve of love handles and a softness that had also padded his ass. So many sweets could only do that to a creature that did not need energy from food. It had never bothered him before, why should it? There was no reason for him to be self conscious of his something as stupid as his body or weight. He was hot as hell- no bad joke.. smoking hot. 

But now things were a bit different as he had easily gained a good ten pounds, probably more he was pretty much in denial about it. Or well, you could not call it denial exactly as he simply did not think about it, too consumed by dark thoughts about his past and what had happened to him. If he had to think about it definitely were more than ten pounds, more around fifteen. That would put him around 180 pounds at 5´8. Not too bad but he was getting chubby.  
His belly was not so small or subtle anymore and pushed over the waistband of his jeans, creating a small muffin top. The love handles on his sides looked softer and squishier too, littered in small, pale stretch marks. His thighs had grown too, touching each other a little now, his pants definitely filled out with the extra weight and were at least a size or two too small. More like two.  
Even if his thighs would not be filling out and about to get too thick for this pair of pants (to be fair they already quiet were and now that he thought about it Gabriel had no idea how he even pulled them on this morning) his ass clearly would soon get too big for them as well as it had rounded out a little more too. Looking more plush and soft now. Almost a bubble butt, but only almost a few pounds were missing to this.  
Even his face had softened a bit and his jawline was less prominent these days. The change in his face was not all too noticeable yet though. But even his chest had softened the slightest bit. Although his belly put everything else to shame as it had become the largest part of him, soft and bigger than it had ever been, even more than a pouch when his stomach was completely empty. He could not hide the gain with the shirt he was currently wearing as it too was getting too tight, stretching over his stomach slightly and showing off his love handles.  
He carried a lot of stretchmarks now and they were visible just under his navel, across his sides and on his thighs too. All in all he had become softer, squishier, chubby.

He had worked his way through a few cups of pudding, three slices of pie that properly belonged to Dean, and two left over hamburgers from a meal they had had, he assumed it had been dinner as the hallway had distinctly smelt of burgers. But this was only the beginning as he did not feel the fullness settle in at all yet, too occupied with stuffing his face with anything he could reach in order to forget. He did not taste what he ate, it did not matter to him it only had one purpose, the purpose of filling him up until he would be stuffed to the very brim, belly stretched and taunt, hot to the touch and so overstuffed it was painful. When that had happened he could forget for the next few hours, forget about the past, about everything. But until then he had to stuff himself silly, like it would be the last time he could ever eat anything, or the first time he got his fingers on something eatable after weeks of starvation.

He was working like a machine to archive his goal. A goal that only showed how desperate and lonely and.. broken he had become.  
Pickles, meat, tomatoes, more pudding, cheese, raw butter, sauces, another piece of pie, a handfull of grapes, three apples and a lot more... everything disappeared in his stomach rather quickly until the counter was raid off of all food that had laid there before. Which meant that he had emptied the fridge, once again.  
He was surprised the Winchesters had not noticed their rapid loss of groceries yet but maybe they were only cautious to say anything to him. Maybe they already knew it was him and maybe they were glad he was showing any signs of being alive. But maybe he always snapped those items back in the morning with his grace so they would not notice- he did not know anymore at this point.  
He had consumed enough for a day or two, but this would not do it, it was simply not enough. That was when the archangel opened the freezer and took the only item out that was in it, a 4 liter gallon of chocolate ice cream. He quickly got a spoon, his movements still steady and controlled. Although this was everything else but controlled.  
Without thinking about it he started to spoon the cold goddess into his mouth, swallowing it down, licking the spoon clean only to repeat it all again. He did not taste the familiar sweetness, he did not care that it was cold and burnt his tongue and made it numb. He could not become more numb after all.. 

And then the ice cream was gone too but it still was not enough. Now it was the cupboard´s turn and he took a whole package of toast out, got chocolate cream and took the spoon from the empty ice cream container, starting to eat the chocolate cream straight from the jar in a desperate attempt to fill himself up, to make himself stop seeing those awful things. Halfway through the jar he had to stop to take a small breath, he was getting full but it was not enough.  
He understood that this just would not cut it and he started to hazily smear the toast and eat piece after piece, not slowing down even once, he did not breath again, not consciously so at least, he did not make a mess either though even if he worked quickly and systematically.

It was only when the whole toast was gone he could slow down again, breath and feel how tight his stomach was, how swollen and full it looked, how labored and hitched his breathing was as he struggled to get enough air to fill his lungs. But still it did not seem enough. Without giving himself a break he now grabbed the jar again and started to spoon the rest of the chocolate cream into his already full gut. Once it was empty his vision cleared a little and when he took a breath this time he had to pause and then the pain finally settled in.  
The pain of an over stretched stomach, a stomach that was so packed full of food that it struggled to stretch quickly enough to hold it all, which would result in more stretch marks later on and he knew it. A stomach that was stuffed beyond its capacity and comfort. He also knew that he would be up at least another pound by tomorrow night but he did not care. It was not like he would ever weight himself. He did not care about this after all but it was a side effect this behavior hold and sooner or later he would have to face the consequences.  
Gabriel simply did not care about a thing like that- He did not care about the weight he had gained or how his shirt was stretched so tight over his overstuffed gut he had to snap it off of himself. At first he had attempted to pull it off but this had not quiet worked as it was too tight on him to get ot off without help.  
He also did not care about how tight his pants were now, how strained the button looked and how it left angry red marks in the soft skin of his hips. How the waistband of them cut into his gained chub. All of this simply did not matter to him as he only wanted to reach his goal, to feel full and hot with pain and most important to forget.  
This time his pants did not hold out longer though and when he took another breath the button snapped off, hitting the fridge which created a ringing sound that could be heard through the whole bunker. It was a surprise they had not given out sooner though.

This was what snapped Gabriel out of this, the humiliation of what had just happened to his poor pants. The pain did not get less though even as the zipper surged down and his stomach had a little more room to breath, it did not help in the slightest. Everything was too tight, his boxers dug into his skin too and his stomach hurt so bad..  
He soon slid down the counter and cradled his belly in his hands, cupping the flesh and trying to sooth the pain. The darkness of his mind was gone now and he could forget as everything he focused on was his aching and overstuffed belly. The shirt rode up in him while he cradled it like that, trying to calm the angry part of his body down, trying to sooth it with his hands but it did not help much, he did not know how to do it. The past days had not been this bad- he had stopped a little before this extreme pain had settled in and he had managed to sooth it with gentle touches but now.. it was so painful he wanted to cry.

The kitchen light turned on and Gabriel flushed red in embarrassment as he could see Sam taking quick steps towards him. How Sam knew he was here was a mystery to him. The kitchen was a mess, empty wrappers every where, the fridge obviously empty. More food than for a family for the whole day consumed by only one person, him.  
He had never meant for any of the Winchesters or Castiel to see him like this but now he did and he also saw the mess Gabriel had made and the state the archangel was in.  
And just as he felt utterly mortified and wanted to run back to his room, hell if only he could get up he would have done that by now, Sam kneeled down next to him and simply pulled the archangel close, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. 

Without a word he then helped him up and guided him into the living room where he laid the stuffed angel down. And just when Gabriel thought he would leave him here alone and laugh at him later, Sam sat down with him and gently guided Gabriel on his lap. First reluctantly but then glad he had someone who was there for him he let the hunter. Once he was seated on the taller man´s lap, said man then started to help him out of those tight pants which clung to his hips and thighs even with the button off and the zipper undone. Once that task was accomplished Sam started to examine the angel, taking in just how big he looked and how stuffed he was. 

Sam then gently touched his stomach, rubbing circles into the taunt and hot skin, soothing it with skilled hands. Sam was not unfamiliar to comfort eating, he had helped Dean in a situation like this more than once, especially after purgatory, not that Dean would ever admit this. He saw the sings of stress eating, of a food binge. And Gabriel had clearly went through one and it probably was not the first time judging by the way how the food had disappeared from their fridge. He had blamed Dean on it as his brother used to still do this every once in a while and he had been getting concerned by how frequently this had occurred, about to confront him about it soon. But now it all made sense. Not only the loss off food but also Gabriel's expanding waistline. Thanks to his previous experiences he knew exactly what to do to help him sooth and ease the pain.  
One of his hands rested on his soft sides, gently caressing his love handles, dipping his fingers into the flesh there without mocking him to assure him it was alright while the other hand worked on his belly, trying to help him sooth his overstuffed gut. Sam did not judge nor comment on this, he understood on some level. He did not overeat like his brother and Gabriel did but he had other ways of escaping the pain of his mind.  
Gabriel stopped thinking at some point and only concentrated on those skilled fingers of Sam and soon found himself to relax again. He had not been able to relax in a long time but those fingers were magic, He did not question why Sam even came into the kitchen at this late hour, it was not even close to a morning hour yet and even if Sam liked to get up early it was far too early for him too.  
Nor did he question how he knew how to touch his stomach in the right places, all he knew was that he felt save and warm, something he had not felt in a long time. It was only then that he realized that he was crying but he was already half asleep by then.  
A feeling of warmth, safety and the believe that everything could be fixed again filled him. Sam had this effect on him and it was no surprise to him as he had discovered long ago that Sam seemed to interest him, to draw him in.  
And as he fell asleep, for the first time since he had escaped all the torture, he could not help but smile the slightest bit while Sam continued to sooth his stomach, help it settle down and work with all those calories he had just stuffed into it. It would still be upset in the morning but it would feel a lot better. Sam knew what he was doing.

Maybe it would all be good again. Maybe Sam could help him forget the pain, maybe Sam could help him feel better again...  
Gabriel knew that Sam could have left him on the couch or could have brought him to his room and then left him there. But no, the hunter had brought him here and had helped him without a word but showed gentleness and understanding with his gestures alone. So maybe, only maybe there was a tiny spark of hope that Sam would stand by his side while he fought this and got over this. Maybe nights like this would occur again but maybe, only maybe Sam would be alert and stay with him while they happened and later on help him through the pain. A full stomach made everyone feel safe after all. A full stomach, a home and someone who was there for you. That was enough for every being, angel, demon or human alike.  
Sure he still had to work on all three points as he was not only full but overstuffed and he was far from calling the bunker his home but it was a good start and maybe he could win Sam´s heart like the hunter had won the archangel´s long ago.

Maybe there was still hope for him and right now that maybe was all the hope he needed.  
Maybe he could be okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Comments, Kudos,, everything is welcome!
> 
> Go find me on Tumblr!  
> gabrielsammysangel


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